emily
dæmian
.give up! the rocking boats drowned, the captain is done
Posts: 166
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Musings
Apr 26, 2005 16:27:59 GMT -5
Post by emily on Apr 26, 2005 16:27:59 GMT -5
Yeah, that's what it was like. Kind of a sick thrill.. but it would happen all the time, I'd be walking and see something stupid like a car backing out of a driveway and picture myself lying down underneath it and being smashed apart.
But I wasn't suicidal, not really, probably because jov disagreed so strongly. Maybe that's the difference between being really suicidal and not actually, how your daemon feels about it?
He also never begged or anything, it would've egged me on.
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Apr 26, 2005 16:33:44 GMT -5
Post by Annie on Apr 26, 2005 16:33:44 GMT -5
When I feel depressed and I want to kill myself, Rho begs. Last time, a couple of nights ago, I got really depressed and he changed into his half-wing cat form and could'nt change out. I freaked out and started beating my head against my dresser ( I was curled in the corner of my room with my back against it) I think I was trying to crack my skull. Rho thought it was his fault because he was trapped. He looked all forlorn. Like in emotional agony. He kept saying 'Please Hannah Please, please, please. Don't do it. Don't hurt yourself. Please?' But then a few minutes later he'd be like 'Do it. It'll help. You won't have anymore troubles. It won't hurt anymore. Anything to stop the hurting.' It was disturbing.
I'm obsessed with death too. But not in a depressed-suicidal way. I'll wonder what it's like to die. I'll get sudden impulses to do something that will kill me. Like what ghost said. If I'm on something tall, I'll be tempted to jump off. Not because I think I'll live, but because I think I'd die. I'd imagine what would happen if that car had just been a few feet closer. It was going fast. Would it have killed me? I have a powerful curiosity tward death. Morbid, I am.
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emily
dæmian
.give up! the rocking boats drowned, the captain is done
Posts: 166
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Musings
Apr 26, 2005 16:44:58 GMT -5
Post by emily on Apr 26, 2005 16:44:58 GMT -5
Reading that made jov whimper. I've never purposely hurt myself, but he's freaking out just thinking about it. He won't talk to me right now.
I think I know what you mean about heights.. but it wasn't heights that got me like that as much as it was crowded places. I was at the Toronto Reference Library with school and went to the top to lean over the five storey drop and think about how insane it would get on the first floor if I jumped the railing, all the tiny people reading their books, all my classmates running around like idiots, all freaking out.. I got dizzy and slipped though, and that's how I knew I'd never actually. Almost falling was too real for me.
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Apr 26, 2005 16:55:33 GMT -5
Post by Kiba on Apr 26, 2005 16:55:33 GMT -5
I could never take my own life, I just couldn't do it. I don't take the suckers way out of life.
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Musings
Apr 26, 2005 19:20:23 GMT -5
Post by Tyrannus et Callida on Apr 26, 2005 19:20:23 GMT -5
I wouldn't be able to, either.
And Hannah, don't you ever give in to that temptation.
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Apr 26, 2005 19:22:08 GMT -5
Post by |3200k1 on Apr 26, 2005 19:22:08 GMT -5
AS I've said multiple times,I've never been seriously thinking about suicide. I,however,do wonder what it would be like. I think everyone does. Does your life really flash before your eyes? Do you feel anythign with that fatal shot? You know,the usual stuff.
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emily
dæmian
.give up! the rocking boats drowned, the captain is done
Posts: 166
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Musings
Apr 26, 2005 19:35:21 GMT -5
Post by emily on Apr 26, 2005 19:35:21 GMT -5
I think everyone must think about it from time to time. At least most of the people I know. And I just realized that jovvie is afraid of death, took me long enough, eh?
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Apr 26, 2005 19:57:42 GMT -5
Post by |3200k1 on Apr 26, 2005 19:57:42 GMT -5
And I just realized that jovvie is afraid of death, took me long enough, eh? Nemith is,too. He's afraid we'll be seperated,like in HDM. I think that when wei die,he doesn't dissappear,he jsut goes somewhere else or takes a backseat and Ashen (my death) becomes my companion until I'm ready to be reborn again with Nemith. Still,since we can't be sure, hei's still scared to death of death....>_>....yeah.
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Musings
Apr 27, 2005 6:26:56 GMT -5
Post by Kiba on Apr 27, 2005 6:26:56 GMT -5
AS I've said multiple times,I've never been seriously thinking about suicide. I,however,do wonder what it would be like. I think everyone does. Does your life really flash before your eyes? Do you feel anythign with that fatal shot? You know,the usual stuff. No your life does not flash before your eyes I am 100% shure on that because I have done a lot of stupid things in life and several that I was close to dieing from and I have never not once had my life flash before my eyes. All you are realy thinking is what you could have done to prevent what happened.
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Musings
Apr 27, 2005 10:51:51 GMT -5
Post by Zoe 'n' Calosta on Apr 27, 2005 10:51:51 GMT -5
Ooh like what? I got really depressed last night, I wanted to OD on my pills but Cal was crying really hard and saying, "if you do you'll never have me again. If I'm the only good thing in your life now, when you're dead you won't even have me. If you go to the land of the dead, things will be ten times worse because I'm not there with you." That scared me.
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Apr 27, 2005 15:15:27 GMT -5
Post by Kiba on Apr 27, 2005 15:15:27 GMT -5
I have almost drowned in my grandparents swimming pool. been in three car wrecks, when me and my bro were playing with swords I got slashed and almost bled to death, when I was little I got into the medicine cabinate and swallowed some poisen luckily my mom had seen me and made me throw up. And that is about it.
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Apr 27, 2005 15:34:04 GMT -5
Post by t o n i + r i n t o on Apr 27, 2005 15:34:04 GMT -5
I've never been close to death really, but the other day my older sister clipped the back of my shoe/heel with the wheel of her car. It hurt, yes, but there was no damage because she wasn't going very fast. She was just driving off actually, and I stupidly was leaning against the car >.<
But yeah, I get those visions of me being run over when I cross the road. It has happened recently aswell, and me just dropping dead. I think it's because I want to be noticed more by people, if you know what I mean. If I just randomly dropped dead people would pay me some attention. I know that sounds all spoilt and stuff but it's really weird, I actually /enjoy/ imagining stuff like that, but would never want it to happen.
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Musings
Apr 27, 2005 15:44:28 GMT -5
Post by Kiba on Apr 27, 2005 15:44:28 GMT -5
You are lucky them because it is not fun.
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emily
dæmian
.give up! the rocking boats drowned, the captain is done
Posts: 166
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Musings
Apr 27, 2005 18:32:51 GMT -5
Post by emily on Apr 27, 2005 18:32:51 GMT -5
Nemith is,too. He's afraid we'll be seperated,like in HDM. I think that when wei die,he doesn't dissappear,he jsut goes somewhere else or takes a backseat and Ashen (my death) becomes my companion until I'm ready to be reborn again with Nemith. Still,since we can't be sure, hei's still scared to death of death....>_>....yeah. My thoughts on death are.. well I just don't think about what comes next. I've thought of life, for a while now, as sort of a game, and we all just play along because what else can we do? And death has to happen so we can tally up the scores. A million billion people have died, and I can stop being a sally and sit tight and have a sense of humour about this whole ridiculous thing. jov says I don't take dying seriously and there's more to it than I think, ect. He gets in this mood and acts like we'll die tomorrow. Maybe it's the separation thing, like Nemith? jov don't wanna talk about it. Whoah, Aaron, are you just really accident-prone? D: I've only broken four bones, all in my foot, and it was a really stupid thing where I climbed to the top of the crow's nest at the pirate playground and fell. The nurses laughed and laughed and laughed. ):
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Leah
dæmian
Bo-atalin-Fenrealissutanialo
Posts: 119
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Musings
Apr 27, 2005 18:46:16 GMT -5
Post by Leah on Apr 27, 2005 18:46:16 GMT -5
I think about death a lot. I've only had this conversation once, so I'll try to put it in words that make sense. Tons of people die every day, from every little thing imaginable. So how is it that I can still be alive? How is it that I wasn't born into a third-world country or something and never know what it's like to be hungry, or diseased or shot or in one of the car crashes that happen each day .... I can't explain it, It's driving me insane. I know I sound stupid, but I don't know how to PUT it!
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