emily
dæmian
.give up! the rocking boats drowned, the captain is done
Posts: 166
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Musings
Apr 27, 2005 21:21:15 GMT -5
Post by emily on Apr 27, 2005 21:21:15 GMT -5
I think I might feel the same sometimes. Why am I, of all people, alive? I'm not contributing much and I'm rather dull. Just the unlikeliness of it all, I suppose. Is that sort of what you're getting at, or am I way off target?
I used to always be bothered by asking why I am /me/, and why I am not her, or him, or whoever. finding jov relieved that a lot, I know I'm /me/ and not her, because jov's part of /me/ and not her.
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Leah
dæmian
Bo-atalin-Fenrealissutanialo
Posts: 119
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Musings
Apr 27, 2005 21:26:34 GMT -5
Post by Leah on Apr 27, 2005 21:26:34 GMT -5
YES YES THANK YOU THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!
Don't mind the human, she just had an argument with the computer about how it shouldn't be mean to her.
Ahem. But yeah, sometimes it almost feels like I can't die, because I'm not dead yet. (If that makes sense)
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emily
dæmian
.give up! the rocking boats drowned, the captain is done
Posts: 166
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Musings
Apr 27, 2005 21:48:37 GMT -5
Post by emily on Apr 27, 2005 21:48:37 GMT -5
Glad I could help. I get what you're saying about not being able to die, sometimes I almost feel as if I've beat the odds or something silly like that. Mostly though, it just makes me feel vulnerable, because if all these brave and wonderful people die everyday, it simply isn't logical for me to keep slothing around and taking up resources. But then again, I ain't dead yet. (:
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Musings
Apr 28, 2005 5:25:48 GMT -5
Post by Kate and Kael on Apr 28, 2005 5:25:48 GMT -5
It's not so much death that frightens me, but dying. Going into a state I've never been in, and not knowing if anything that's a remote shred of me will come out when it's over. I exist. When I die, will I still exist somewhere, or will I be null? Will I be a nothing that never knew it lived? That's what scares me. I don't care if 'everybody dies.' That's not good enough for me. I don't WANT to die. It terrifies me. It makes me ill thinking about it. I'd rather live through the end of the world and a million billion years of cold dark waiting for a new world to form around me than die as if I never was, like nothing I've ever done matters at all because I just blinked out like a candle flame. Screw that. ANYWAY, back on topic, I posted on the original Musings question in my journal. It's kinda long, so here's a link: www.livejournal.com/users/risentigris/1438.html w00t.
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Musings
Apr 28, 2005 6:19:32 GMT -5
Post by Kiba on Apr 28, 2005 6:19:32 GMT -5
Why fear is only a pigment of your Imagination anyways and well what ever is waiting for me on the other side I don't know but we will all die and to us it is the final frontier. Because no one knows what happens realy.
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Apr 28, 2005 6:30:40 GMT -5
Post by cock of teh walk on Apr 28, 2005 6:30:40 GMT -5
I'd rather live through the end of the world and a million billion years of cold dark waiting for a new world to form around me than die as if I never was, like nothing I've ever done matters at all because I just blinked out like a candle flame. Screw that.
Why? Have you done something great yet?
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Musings
Apr 28, 2005 6:37:22 GMT -5
Post by Kiba on Apr 28, 2005 6:37:22 GMT -5
If that question was directed to me then the answer would have to be no I have not. But if you let fear of death rule your life you will have no fun and may never accommplish anything .
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Apr 28, 2005 11:22:19 GMT -5
Post by Zoe 'n' Calosta on Apr 28, 2005 11:22:19 GMT -5
No it does make sense and it's a comforting thought. But my life is still as boring and uninteresting as ever and nothing is going to change that while I'm unable to move out -_- hate being 14 (almost 15!!!)
Our life isn't that boring, it just isn't what all the idiots who live around here expect. So we don't go out drinking every night, so what? So what if you pricks think we're 'boring' or just plain 'weird' we're just not like you and that's what you can't accept
^^ I love my daemon
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Apr 28, 2005 15:14:58 GMT -5
Post by Tyrannus et Callida on Apr 28, 2005 15:14:58 GMT -5
I don't worry about death. I live life in the present.
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Musings
Apr 28, 2005 18:01:32 GMT -5
Post by Kate and Kael on Apr 28, 2005 18:01:32 GMT -5
Real nice, Hepcat. Define "great" for me. I haven't taken over any third-world countries. I haven't waved a bunch of nukes in somebody's face because I could. I haven't attacked any nations for crazy religious reasons. Is that "great" to you? I haven't found a cure for AIDs. But you know what? A hell of a lot of us haven't. We do little things here and there because for most of us, that's all we can do, and what we do will always impact others in different ways. A girl was depressed and I told her I hoped her day got better and meant it, and it pleased her. For her, maybe that was the highlight of her day. I admitted to someone I highly respect a long-time lie by ommission, and it impressed her. Maybe she felt that was a great thing to do. Maybe you don't give a crap because you seem not to give a crap about anybody. I'd still rather be alive and see all of the beauty in this world, feel the rain, smell the grass, feel things with my living body, than lose it all to death. Because think about it. All the people who've done "great" things are dead now, and the ones doing great things now will be dead. And then when everybody's good and dead, great won't matter, now will it? Life is all that matters to me. Maybe my life will be a waste. Maybe I'll save someone's life someday and never know who they are, and they become a world leader. Maybe not. But a life doesn't have to be GREAT to matter. Bite me.
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emily
dæmian
.give up! the rocking boats drowned, the captain is done
Posts: 166
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Musings
Apr 28, 2005 18:29:39 GMT -5
Post by emily on Apr 28, 2005 18:29:39 GMT -5
Hm. I don't even remember what it was like to fear death. I currently live me life as if someone's about to jump out and yell 'GOTCHA!' at the end. It's all too ridiculous for me to take seriously. I feel like it's all some kind of sick game, but I'll be a good sport and play along and play by the rules for the hell of it. A couple weeks ago there was a bomb threat at the school and when we were all sitting around under our desks like tools, I started to wonder if we'd all even know if the bomb went off. Would we all stumble out into the sunlight and keep going on and on with our mundane little lives, completely of our own imaginings, unaware that the whole thing ended a while ago? Death is such a huge enourmous unknown useless institution, I really don't think we human beings would stand for it.
It goes farther and more ridiculous than that, but I don't feel like sounding like a matrix enthusiast. The point is, I'm in the middle of an existential crisis and death doesn't mean a thing to me.
Even I nearly lose her at times.
Back on topic in a horribly morbid fashion: Daemon blood. I think of daemons as being more 'mechanical' than organic (for lack of a better word), but isn't there a part in TGC where Iorek slashes a wolf daemon and she bleeds? (If I'm wrong, sorry, I lent out my copy and can't check) The idea makes me shudder, but would the blood still remain even if the daemon died? Hopefully not. Can you imagine having to clean it up? I'd vomit.
And though I really can't imagine jov having blood in the typical sense even if he was corporeal, it would be awful for someone else to be mopping up a part of him like that.
Actually, I don't think daemons bleed. It makes me feel better that way.
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Musings
Apr 28, 2005 18:57:28 GMT -5
Post by Kiba on Apr 28, 2005 18:57:28 GMT -5
Hm. I don't even remember what it was like to fear death. I currently live me life as if someone's about to jump out and yell 'GOTCHA!' at the end. It's all too ridiculous for me to take seriously. I feel like it's all some kind of sick game, but I'll be a good sport and play along and play by the rules for the hell of it. A couple weeks ago there was a bomb threat at the school and when we were all sitting around under our desks like tools, I started to wonder if we'd all even know if the bomb went off. Would we all stumble out into the sunlight and keep going on and on with our mundane little lives, completely of our own imaginings, unaware that the whole thing ended a while ago? Death is such a huge enourmous unknown useless institution, I really don't think we human beings would stand for it. It goes farther and more ridiculous than that, but I don't feel like sounding like a matrix enthusiast. The point is, I'm in the middle of an existential crisis and death doesn't mean a thing to me. Even I nearly lose her at times.Back on topic in a horribly morbid fashion: Daemon blood. I think of daemons as being more 'mechanical' than organic (for lack of a better word), but isn't there a part in TGC where Iorek slashes a wolf daemon and she bleeds? (If I'm wrong, sorry, I lent out my copy and can't check) The idea makes me shudder, but would the blood still remain even if the daemon died? Hopefully not. Can you imagine having to clean it up? I'd vomit. And though I really can't imagine jov having blood in the typical sense even if he was corporeal, it would be awful for someone else to be mopping up a part of him like that. Actually, I don't think daemons bleed. It makes me feel better that way. I think it was a metaphor if I remember correctly it said something like she blead fire. Do daemons have internal organs?
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Musings
Apr 28, 2005 21:31:37 GMT -5
Post by |3200k1 on Apr 28, 2005 21:31:37 GMT -5
If they did,then they'd have reproductive organs,too,which would lead to....odd....things during intercourse. Hahah. You called it intercourse.Maybe thats where those beastiality fanatics come from... ;
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emily
dæmian
.give up! the rocking boats drowned, the captain is done
Posts: 166
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Musings
Apr 28, 2005 21:51:47 GMT -5
Post by emily on Apr 28, 2005 21:51:47 GMT -5
xD That would be.. akward.
I don't know about corporeal daemons, but jovvie doesn't have organs. It's kind of hard to see clearly, but when I look at him and think about him I also see what's in him, or underneath him, or whatever it is. It's sort of like gears moving and strings of light and glittery things. But not too bright, just a little bit lit up. Hard to describe. Kind of.. mechanical.. not that he's a machine or something, but he hasn't got organs, that's for sure.
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Musings
Apr 29, 2005 6:14:13 GMT -5
Post by Kiba on Apr 29, 2005 6:14:13 GMT -5
If they did,then they'd have reproductive organs,too,which would lead to....odd....things during intercourse. Hahah. You called it intercourse.Maybe thats where those beastiality fanatics come from... ; Yeah you could get some pretty jacked up combinations there
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